God's working on me

What can I say I'm so far from perfect. I'm a mess of contradictions:prideful and yet filled with insecurities. I'm often filled with a poor sense of self worth. Learning virtues has been forming me into a new person but I just need more of God. I tell myself I'm searching for him, but I'm not doing the best job I can do.

So many scenes of movies and tv shows I never should have watched have been flashing in my head lately. I'm reminded of how even lately people watch trashy television and I hate it being on, yet I still let my eyes take it in. I'm becoming ever aware of how much your surroundings can make you who you are. Of course you can rise above it, but it deffinately has it's effect.

 I need more people around me who are really seeking God. Most people that are around me on a daily basis just dont understand and aren't very supportive. I at least need a spiritual leader I can turn to. I often feel so alone. Now that Jason and I barely see each other (still a blessing that he has a job,though) it's really getting to me. I found a church I like going to. Hopefully God will place some people in my life that will help me on this journey towards my savior. I need a personal relationship with him again. I feel like I'm trying to do it all on my own. I know God is real, I pray to him, but everything seems like head knowledge, not heart knowledge. Pray for me.